Hi there. It’s Matt. I know I haven’t posted anything in awhile. A long while. But the truth is I was a little mad at you. We both know why. So let’s just try and put this ugliness behind us ok? Ok!
Now that we have gotten THAT out of the way, I would like to talk to you about a little movie called Salt. Oh where do I begin? Let me first start with the title. I think this title is stupid. You think the title is stupid. I realize that there are people in this crazy world whose surname is synonymous with a vital chemical compound, just like there are people named “Jane Water” or “Peter Vitamin C.” However, a good movie title it does not make. Is it supposed to be some kind of play-on-words that I’m missing? Like “salt” of the earth (which would make no sense) or “salt” in the wound (which makes slightly more sense maybe)?
Anyway, Salt stars Angelina Jolie, she of the strange facial amalgamation of angular and puffy, as CIA operative Evelyn Salt (ugh) who is accused of being a Russian sleeper agent. That is pretty much the whole plot of the movie, sorry for not giving you a SPOILER ALERT. The rest of the film basically revolves around the question of “Is she or isn’t she?” set into the framework of chase sequences and obligatory, balletic beat downs/gun battles that you expect from a summer action vehicle. In that aspect, Salt doesn’t disappoint. The action sequences are thrilling, if not totally original. They do manage to strain at the limits of believability without crossing them, which is really the goal of any action movie of this type.
That being said, Salt does have a couple of major flaws that, when combined, prove too much. The first problem is Ms. Jolie herself. Now, calm down, let me explain myself. Angelina is a badass. I totally buy into her killing black op mercenaries with her bare hands. She exudes such power, confidence and badassery that she should have been in The Expendables instead of Randy Couture. But because of that, I’ve always had a problem with her when she has to play vulnerable. A critical aspect of the film is Salt’s love for her husband and her need to protect him. It drives the action and is pretty much the entire basis for the movie. So it’s unfortunate that Jolie and August Diehl have all the onscreen chemistry of a cardboard cut-out and an inanimate carbon rod. Since Diehl’s total screen time is about 10 minutes, I’m afraid most of the blame has to go on Jolie. Even when she is talking about him or begging her now-suspicious CIA cohorts to help him, it seems like so many crocodile tears. It appears that, much like Chuck Norris, Angelina Jolie only seems to have two settings: Wait and Kill.
The second problem I had with the film is the bloat it develops as the story progresses. I was into this film for the first third of it, right up to what turns out to be the FIRST twist. This first twist comes early enough that you are like “Cool! Now that that is out of the way, let’s see how the rest of this plays out.” And it is exciting up to and after the first twist! I was all, “Yay Salt!” But then twist number two comes up and I’m all “Ummmm…ok…well, I guess that kind of makes sense. On with the plot!” Then the third twist comes (really?), then a fourth (Oh come on!). By the last set of twists and reveals, you’ve figured this whole thing out way in advance and you’re just not interested anymore. To top it all off, they’ve worked so hard to make it complicated that the ending seems lazily thrown in there. It’s an ambitious bit of storytelling but in the end, it’s a mess and is ultimately unsatisfying.
Grade: C-
Now that we have gotten THAT out of the way, I would like to talk to you about a little movie called Salt. Oh where do I begin? Let me first start with the title. I think this title is stupid. You think the title is stupid. I realize that there are people in this crazy world whose surname is synonymous with a vital chemical compound, just like there are people named “Jane Water” or “Peter Vitamin C.” However, a good movie title it does not make. Is it supposed to be some kind of play-on-words that I’m missing? Like “salt” of the earth (which would make no sense) or “salt” in the wound (which makes slightly more sense maybe)?
Anyway, Salt stars Angelina Jolie, she of the strange facial amalgamation of angular and puffy, as CIA operative Evelyn Salt (ugh) who is accused of being a Russian sleeper agent. That is pretty much the whole plot of the movie, sorry for not giving you a SPOILER ALERT. The rest of the film basically revolves around the question of “Is she or isn’t she?” set into the framework of chase sequences and obligatory, balletic beat downs/gun battles that you expect from a summer action vehicle. In that aspect, Salt doesn’t disappoint. The action sequences are thrilling, if not totally original. They do manage to strain at the limits of believability without crossing them, which is really the goal of any action movie of this type.
That being said, Salt does have a couple of major flaws that, when combined, prove too much. The first problem is Ms. Jolie herself. Now, calm down, let me explain myself. Angelina is a badass. I totally buy into her killing black op mercenaries with her bare hands. She exudes such power, confidence and badassery that she should have been in The Expendables instead of Randy Couture. But because of that, I’ve always had a problem with her when she has to play vulnerable. A critical aspect of the film is Salt’s love for her husband and her need to protect him. It drives the action and is pretty much the entire basis for the movie. So it’s unfortunate that Jolie and August Diehl have all the onscreen chemistry of a cardboard cut-out and an inanimate carbon rod. Since Diehl’s total screen time is about 10 minutes, I’m afraid most of the blame has to go on Jolie. Even when she is talking about him or begging her now-suspicious CIA cohorts to help him, it seems like so many crocodile tears. It appears that, much like Chuck Norris, Angelina Jolie only seems to have two settings: Wait and Kill.
The second problem I had with the film is the bloat it develops as the story progresses. I was into this film for the first third of it, right up to what turns out to be the FIRST twist. This first twist comes early enough that you are like “Cool! Now that that is out of the way, let’s see how the rest of this plays out.” And it is exciting up to and after the first twist! I was all, “Yay Salt!” But then twist number two comes up and I’m all “Ummmm…ok…well, I guess that kind of makes sense. On with the plot!” Then the third twist comes (really?), then a fourth (Oh come on!). By the last set of twists and reveals, you’ve figured this whole thing out way in advance and you’re just not interested anymore. To top it all off, they’ve worked so hard to make it complicated that the ending seems lazily thrown in there. It’s an ambitious bit of storytelling but in the end, it’s a mess and is ultimately unsatisfying.
Grade: C-
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