TFR Ep. 89 Bonus Inventory: Found Footage Films

Scalzo's Inventory of Found Footage Films

5. Cloverfield
4. The Last Exorcism
3. Paranormal Activity 1-3
2. [REC]
1. The Blair Witch Project

TFR Ep. 70: Inventory of Our Favorite Monster Movies: Honorable Mentions

Hey gang!  A little late, but here are my honorable mentions for my favorite monster movies:

• CHUD
• Gremlins
• Godzilla
• Horror Of Dracula
• Hills Have Eyes Remake
• It Lives
• They Live
• Jurassic Park
• The Mist
• Monster Squad
• Hellraiser
• Predator
• Pitch Black
• Cloverfield
• Basketcase
• The Host
• The Blob
• Mimic

- Scalzo

Inventory of Films For The Ladies: Honorable Mentions

Scalzo here! Here's my list of honorable mentions for this week's Inventory.

• When A Man Loves A Woman
• Juno
• Sliding doors
• In Her Shoes
• My Best Friend's Wedding
• Clueless
• Election
• She's All That
• Jerry Maguire
• Princess Bride
• Sleepless In Seattle
• Mean Girls

After.Life or how even hours of naked breasts couldn't hold my interest

It’s been awhile. I’m a busy man folks, so I’m not sorry but I understand why you feel the way you do. So, for my grand return, I am going to discuss the thriller for and by nudists, After.Life.

Here’s the gist…Christina Ricci is a school teacher who is full of ennui and malaise. She takes pills and dates Justin Long and generally has a pouty vacant look on her face all the time, which we all know is the visual depiction of depression in moviedom. Christina Ricci is cold and mean to Justin Long but he is just so infatuated with that “Precious Moments” face of hers, he has to fight for the love. The love that is painfully absent and never really existed in the first place if flashbacks are to be believed. Oh yeah, Christina Ricci also has a creepy student who is apparently supposed to be the love child of Danny from The Shining.

Anywho, depression and pills and the hysteria that comes with her lady parts causes Christina Ricci to get in an accident because we all know ladies can’t drive. The next thing we know, Christina Ricci wakes up on a slab to Liam Neeson, the town’s funeral director/mortician/creeper, leering over her and telling her she died in the accident. And Christina Ricci is all like “Whuuuut?! Nuh uh!” and Liam Neeson is like “For real. Now I have to cut your clothes off so you can be naked for the next 90 minutes.”

And that’s it. The suspense for the rest of the film hinges on whether Liam Neeson is telling truth about Christina Ricci’s new status as dead-but-sexy zombie-ghost or if she is actually alive and Qui Gonn is just a psycho.

This film certainly asks you to make some leaps of logic. Like whatever town this is has the most inept emergency responders ever. This accident, which is supposed to be the worst car accident in the history of the world, results in Christina Ricci having a cut on her forehead. That’s it. No bruises. No broken bones. Just a cut. On her forehead. Obviously, when the police and EMTs showed up, the rookie took one look at her and puked while the grizzled veteran said something like “Poor bastard.” before they put her in a body bag and handed her over to the Nees. Or how about how Liam Neeson keeps injecting Christina Ricci with 10,000 CCs of “muscle relaxer” to prevent “rigor”? Either Christina Ricci’s school district has the laxest hiring requirements ever or she faked some credentials somewhere along the line because she is the dumbest teacher ever to fall for that bunk.

This proves to be the undoing of the film. The filmmakers keep making it seem pretty obvious which way this thing is going to turn out but then throw in these inexplicable “or is it?” moments that make you reevaluate your previous assumptions. That’s all well and good to keep the suspense going but the whole fun of these movies is the reveal at the end where they tell you what is really going on. That never comes in this movie. They just keep making u-turns on the path through the whole damn thing, to the very last frame. LAME.

Liam Neeson gives a good performance and the film does have flashes of quality in it but it is ultimately disappointing. Justin Long is not charming or likable at all. Christina Ricci phones in her performance and let’s her boobs do the talking on the other end of the line. I had high hopes but it was a disappointment.

Grade D +

The Dilemma

Is Vince Vaughn a good actor?  Not quite sure what the answer to that is.  He's certainly 'Vince Vaughn' in every one of his roles.  Now I don't want to rip my boy.  I love me some Vince Vaughn.  I first saw Vince, like many I'm sure, in Swingers.  He's one of the more charismatic actors working today, and I'm always up for any project he's in.  So that brings us to 'The Dilemma'.  Tonally, this film is like being on the Scrambler at your local fair.  There are some great comic moments, but also attempts at true emotional gravity.  And it is pretty successful at it too.  But it never truly comes together.  The laughs are few, but good.  I think it's more my affection for Vince that carries the film.  

Winona Ryder's performance really grounds the emotional drama of the film.  Her performance is heartfelt and honest.  Jennifer Connelly is quite good as Vince's girlfriend, but is a wasted.  The conflict created in her relationship with Vince Vaughn is entirely artificial and could have been quelled with one short conversation that does not take place for a reason that is not quite believable.  Maybe I just have a rosier view of communication in relationships.  Oh, and Kevin James is in the movie.  Oh, and this is the first time I didn't want to slap Channing Tatum when he was on screen (granted he could easily kick my ass).  Which brings me to my major issue with the film.  Ron Howard just can't seem to tie it all together.  It's just too damn serious to share the screen with such tepid humor.  So my recommendation for 'The Dilemma'?  It's fine.  If you're a fan of my buddy Vince (I know if we could just meet we'd be friends...), and are looking for a good date movie, 'The Dilemma' would be worth a view.  There's your qualified recommendation.

The Dilemma is playing everywhere.

Report Card: B- 

(Without Vince & Winona: C)

Faster

Starring: Dwayne Johnson & Billy Bob Thornton

Faster stars Dwayne Johnson as Driver, just released from prison for being the driver in a bank robbery gone wrong.  Billy Bob is the cop on his tail, trying to solve the mystery of the seemingly random killing spree Driver has embarked on upon his release.

This is how I like my Rock. Raw, and chock full of bad-assess.  Part of Dwayne Johnson's appeal is his charm and screen presence.  Dwayne has cashed in on this appeal with a slew of family friendly, Disney films.  And who can blame him?  But what I like about Dwayne is when he does a hard core action movie.  Initially, he would go by the moniker, 'The Rock' for the action films, and as Dwayne Johnson in his more serious or family film roles.  Well, it appears we've dropped the Rock identity all together, and delivered his first balls out legitimate R-rated action flick.  No, Doom does not count.

So is this Dwayne's Die Hard?  Not quite.  But it's not a bad first step.  It is a stripped down, ultra violent, revenge flick.  There really are no frills here.  I seem to have a soft spot for this specific film genre; Get Carter, Death Wish, Man On Fire, Harry Brown, et al.  Though it may not measure with the best of them, it's certainly in the middle of the pack.  There's an attempt at a twist ending that's telegraphed early in the film.  And it makes a play for redemption that ends up feeling a little hollow.  All and all, if you're in the mood for good old fashioned, raw, revenge movie, 'Faster' would be an enjoyable view.

Report Card: B-

Faster is still available in some theaters.  

No Blu-ray/DVD release date is available at this time.

Devil

It's a well known fact by now that I love me some B horror films. And 'Devil' submits itself for my approval. Does it measure up to my somewhat lofty standards?

A couple things you should know first:
1: The film is based on a story by M. Knight Shyamalan.
2: One of the stars is Geoffrey Arend. He's engaged to Christina Hendricks (bastard). So I am predisposed to not like him.

So you'd think that me deciding to point out those two things is a sign of a terrible film, and I have to say...ehhhhh not so much.

'Devil' is about five people trapped in an elevator, and one of them may be the Devil. Not 'A' devil, but good ol' Scratch himself. It seems he's here to claim these people for their sins. As the film plays, we get peeks into each person's transgressions, and what circumstances brought them to this exact moment. It plays out like a horror novella. A ramped up, super budgeted episode of The Twilight Zone, and viewed through that prism, it's pretty darn successful.

The M. Knight factor.  I am hard pressed to think of another director who's sustained such a rapid downward spiral.  And perhaps this film is helped by the fact that it is only 'based on a story', and not written or directed, by him. I was impressed by the tension director John Erick Dowdle was able to sustain, considering most of the film takes place inside an elevator. The performances are all adequate, with some good scares and very little gore. It does have a PG-13 rating after all. But don't let that keep you away, horror fans. Does it wrap up a little too contritely? Perhaps. But it's well worth a view on a rainy, cold night.... Devil, I approve.

Report Card: B-

'Devil' is available on Blu-Ray, DVD, and On Demand now.